Texts from Last Night inspired text starters [nsfw and sfw]
- [text]: I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
- [text]: I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
- [text]: We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
- [text]: I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
- [text]: two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
- [text]: I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
- [text]: Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
- [text]: According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
- [text]: You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
- [text]: I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
- [text]: What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
- [text]: Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
- [text]: YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
- [text]: Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
- [text]: I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
- [text]: I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
- [text]: You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
- [text]: I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
- [text]: I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
- [text]: Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
- [text]: A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
- [text]: OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
- [text]: Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
- [text]: Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
- [text]: I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
- [text]: I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
- [text]: Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
- [text]: I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
- [text]: Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
- [text]: I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
- [text]: When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
- [text]: Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
- [text]: i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
- [text]: That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
- [text]: I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
- [text]: I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
- [text]: Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
- [text]: I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
- [text]: Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
- [text]: Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
- [text]: I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
- [text]: She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
- [text]: We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
- [text]: So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
- [text]: That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
- [text]: I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
- [text]: Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
- [text]: Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
- [text]: I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
- [text]: Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
- [text]: I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
- [text]: How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
- [text]: Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
- [text]: I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
- [text]: You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"And… two questions, how did you get into my place and second why are you with me in the shower?"
"I was Batman’s protege, remember? I know how to enter houses and.."Tim spanked his ass. "I couldn’t help myself at the great view, I wanted a closer one though."
Conner blushed when Tim spanked him, and glared at his best friend. “Hey, you know you’ve gotta stop trying to grab my ass.”
"DUDE! I love puppies! But tell me you’re keeping him cause I already have Krypto."
"I was thinking on keeping him on the tower. Bruce already said yes. What do you think? Everyone will love him."
"I think it’ll be awesome! You know have a puppy on the tower… but who’s going to take care of it."
"Everyone of course, but mostly me. I do go to the tower from time to time, specially when there’s no one around."
"Well I think it’s a pretty good plan, I’d be willing to help you take care of him." Conner smirked.
Dr. Horrible Sentence Starters
- "Wow, sarcasm. That's original."
- "The day needs my saving expertise."
- "Man's got to do what a man's got to do."
- "Hello. You know me? Cool. I mean - yeah, you do... Do you?"
- "Dude. You're NOT my nemesis."
- "The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it."
- "Love your hair."
- "Oh goodness, look at my wrist, I have to go."
- "What a crazy random happenstance!"
- "I cannot believe my eyes... how the world's filled with filth and lies."
- "Do I even know you?"
- "I think this is what pain feels like."
- "Give my regards to St Peter... or whoever does his job... but in hell."
- "You idiot!"
- "I should've known you were behind this!"
- "Um, actually I went on a date."
- "We're meeting now for the first time."
- "And I get what you want."
- "My wish is your command."
Q:I heard that you were sleeping with an older woman.
"Dude… I haven’t slept with a woman in ages!" He smirked and turned to look at Tim. "But I did sleep with a really handsome guy a bit older, strong, wears a red hood and is so fucking awesome in bed." He teased.
"Ugh, okay fine. I’ll go seduce Superman instead." he turned around again.
"Right… cause hell totally fall for you, you know it’s not pedo at all…"
"Goodbye, Conner” he said walking off pretty angry.
"Hey, hey! Look I’m sorry. Hey don’t be mad at me!" Conner walked right behind Tim.
Q:"I'd totally fuck you."
"I know that quite well." Conner winked and took a step closet to the other.
"Ummph… need a hand, mouth, ass maybe?" Conner but his lower lip as he looked at the other jerking off, the view of a naked and hard Stiles.
Q:"I'd totally fuck you."
"You know I’ve told you like a thousand times you can."